i've never been a child with a weak resistance. i've had years of complete school attendance, and in the few years that i've had absences, they would be just for a day or two. i was often excused in high school, but that was mainly due to academic and not health-related reasons.
okay, i've cut for a couple of times in college, usually when i'm lazy, i just want to hang out or i have something important to do that can't be delayed. but lately, as this new year came, i've been very sick twice, and felt bad for several more instances. i haven't had a formal check-up or anything yet, but i'm still hoping that there's nothing severely wrong with my body. right now, i'm counting on strepsils and guiafenesin to ease my sore throat and my cough. i hope i'd get better.
as i laid down on my dormitory bed last friday at an early 7pm (early for a night person like me who lies down between 11-1), i felt alone and so pained that my eyes blurred with tears. i wanted to stand up, to attend the himig rehearsals, to sing, to laugh.. but there's just no more energy left in me to do so. in the end i just wished someone was there to hug me - or maybe just hold my hand - until i submit myself to slumber, and i ended up falling asleep alone and oblivious of the fact that in reality, nobody came.
it is during times like that when i really miss having a boyfriend, when i miss my siblings, and most especially, miss my mom. and that is when i get to understand how she truly feels as a patient for years now. whenever i sit beside her as she waits for her chemo, i never really knew how painful it was for her. it is only when i am sick and alone do i feel as she feels, and yes, it's unfair to her.
i went home, ditching all the good events that are lined up during the weekend. i jumped on the bed beside her, and immediately felt relief wash through me.
as we lay holding on to each other this afternoon, i really couldn't tell if it was i who was comforting her or vice-versa. hmm, maybe both. the feeling of being taken care of is so refreshing, that if it can be helped, i wouldn't want to go back to qc again tomorrow.
i better get better soon, not just so i'd be able to be active again, but also so i can take care of my mother more. i love you, ma. God bless, and hope you get better and better eventually. :)
okay, i've cut for a couple of times in college, usually when i'm lazy, i just want to hang out or i have something important to do that can't be delayed. but lately, as this new year came, i've been very sick twice, and felt bad for several more instances. i haven't had a formal check-up or anything yet, but i'm still hoping that there's nothing severely wrong with my body. right now, i'm counting on strepsils and guiafenesin to ease my sore throat and my cough. i hope i'd get better.
as i laid down on my dormitory bed last friday at an early 7pm (early for a night person like me who lies down between 11-1), i felt alone and so pained that my eyes blurred with tears. i wanted to stand up, to attend the himig rehearsals, to sing, to laugh.. but there's just no more energy left in me to do so. in the end i just wished someone was there to hug me - or maybe just hold my hand - until i submit myself to slumber, and i ended up falling asleep alone and oblivious of the fact that in reality, nobody came.
it is during times like that when i really miss having a boyfriend, when i miss my siblings, and most especially, miss my mom. and that is when i get to understand how she truly feels as a patient for years now. whenever i sit beside her as she waits for her chemo, i never really knew how painful it was for her. it is only when i am sick and alone do i feel as she feels, and yes, it's unfair to her.
i went home, ditching all the good events that are lined up during the weekend. i jumped on the bed beside her, and immediately felt relief wash through me.
as we lay holding on to each other this afternoon, i really couldn't tell if it was i who was comforting her or vice-versa. hmm, maybe both. the feeling of being taken care of is so refreshing, that if it can be helped, i wouldn't want to go back to qc again tomorrow.
i better get better soon, not just so i'd be able to be active again, but also so i can take care of my mother more. i love you, ma. God bless, and hope you get better and better eventually. :)
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2 comments:
Aww, Besty :(
Nalungkot ako sa post mo. Pero it's nice to hear na you're okay already. Sana hindi na maging maton ang boses mo :)) At I wish you and Tita the best of health. Magiging ayos din ang lahat >:D<
Love you! Smile! At magpahinga mabuti ha :)
besty! late reply pero super thanks. :) *hugs*
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