pain.

i've never been a child with a weak resistance. i've had years of complete school attendance, and in the few years that i've had absences, they would be just for a day or two. i was often excused in high school, but that was mainly due to academic and not health-related reasons.

okay, i've cut for a couple of times in college, usually when i'm lazy, i just want to hang out or i have something important to do that can't be delayed. but lately, as this new year came, i've been very sick twice, and felt bad for several more instances. i haven't had a formal check-up or anything yet, but i'm still hoping that there's nothing severely wrong with my body. right now, i'm counting on strepsils and guiafenesin to ease my sore throat and my cough. i hope i'd get better.

as i laid down on my dormitory bed last friday at an early 7pm (early for a night person like me who lies down between 11-1), i felt alone and so pained that my eyes blurred with tears. i wanted to stand up, to attend the himig rehearsals, to sing, to laugh.. but there's just no more energy left in me to do so. in the end i just wished someone was there to hug me - or maybe just hold my hand - until i submit myself to slumber, and i ended up falling asleep alone and oblivious of the fact that in reality, nobody came.

it is during times like that when i really miss having a boyfriend, when i miss my siblings, and most especially, miss my mom. and that is when i get to understand how she truly feels as a patient for years now. whenever i sit beside her as she waits for her chemo, i never really knew how painful it was for her. it is only when i am sick and alone do i feel as she feels, and yes, it's unfair to her.

i went home, ditching all the good events that are lined up during the weekend. i jumped on the bed beside her, and immediately felt relief wash through me.

as we lay holding on to each other this afternoon, i really couldn't tell if it was i who was comforting her or vice-versa. hmm, maybe both. the feeling of being taken care of is so refreshing, that if it can be helped, i wouldn't want to go back to qc again tomorrow.


i better get better soon, not just so i'd be able to be active again, but also so i can take care of my mother more. i love you, ma. God bless, and hope you get better and better eventually. :)

J is for joyce.

i was listing down codes for all that happened around me since my last blog post (so i'd know what to write about this time), and i noticed that the people whom i listed down are all J people. haha. funny coincidence.

okay, so j is for..

jc. i have my hands up for this guy, who handles music notes so well that i can't help but get carried away during himig kalai rehearsals. before i knew it, i was swaying beside him. (and mcdo was laughing at me. rar.)

jerson. the ever-enthusiastic app head of laong laan is always on the go, especially during the fund run. (i ran an extra half-lap, for more burning of fats! XD)

jena. yey, she's eighteen na din! as usual, i dreaded talking up front (as part of the 18 gifts), but doing it for her made it so okay.

jopay. my cutie cousin loves joining in, and in last sunday's game of donkey, she was perpetually smiling even if she and ate jo were losing.

joanne. my elder sis (with me, actually) picked up the wrong visitor last fiesta and brought him to my uncle's house. good thing we found the right person the second time around.

justin. when i went to the lib for the second time (i looked stupid during the first; i didn't know what to do), i met LL co-app justin. had so much fun chitchat-ing (and secret fishing)!

jeff. friday night, i was asked to sing for the birthday of a person i've never met. as the gossips went, he is a handsome guy. happy 18th, jeff!

jo. after bringing me to jeff's birthday bash, she suddenly appeared in my room and asked to sleep over. She was so engrossed in sketching evan (and she was good), and we chatted until 3.

jp. i never knew he'd be one hell of a nice guy. he introduced me to his floormates (again, during jeff's party), just so i'd gain new friends. and he's so fun to be with.

jim. it was fun having conversation with my canadian uncle. his voice is waaaay softer than mine.

plus,another J is for...

jma. again, there were lots of jma get-aways. firstly, i had fun talking about starbucks coffee during branded gold, a seminar about marketing and branding. and then came the crazy first interviews, apps gone wild, where i did do some insane things while dressed up as a pig. right after my interview was a three-hour nonstop tambay, after more than a week of not showing up at the tambayan (i dropped by the afs office afterwards as well). lastly, there were two activities that got me involved with kids yet again - olympicnic, a day of games with the beneficiaries of jma, and art champ: i can sur-5!, an art camp for children who are battling against cancer. This has been one of the most satisfying jma events so far, especially because i am easily drawn to youngsters.

shamelessly posing during my english 11 class.

of course, there is one J that cannot be separated from me no matter what happens: joyce.

for a couple of days, the right side of my face and neck has been sore, and i've been so sick that i wasn't able to leave bed for meals. but i am thankful to my floormates who cared, especially to jonah and lalet who gave me medicine.

still, there are a lot more fun events around me. there was a friday when i went hav-hunting with bea at midtown near upm, and had dinner with knet and rebby as well. and also, i got well enough later on to dress up for the photoshoot that we had for our corridor exhibit. i'm going for the japanese schoolgirl in winter clothes doll outfit. ha!

yet, some things still hurt. like not knowing how to write my reaction paper for a black-and-white movie with a weird ending (at least for me), cutting philo to review for my bio exam, and feeling like i didn't do well at that same exam. argh. and also, something more, and much deeper than all these things. haii.

anyways, i hope this week turns out all right. good luck to ate jo who will be starting work at medical city tomorrow. and to my mom who will be having her chemo. God bless! smile, smile. :)

"joyce will be joyce, no matter what."

thanks trinabear. i just hope it's still okay to remain as me. (=,

slambook entry.

haii. and then suddenly, the vacation's over. anyway, here goes my slambook-like entry to sum up the tidbits of my christmas vacation:

name: joyce
where i spent my vacation: at tanay, my hometown
what i did: attended parties and reunions here and there

top three fave holiday events:
christmas eve gift-opening and christmas day videoke
reunion with my mom's side of the family at new year
the fun-filled laong-laan christmas party

top three loneliest events:
ma's chemo
being left to shop alone at mega (and envying those who have dates)
packing up for school

top three fave barkada events:
t-gang's breakfast slash despedida for merryn at the dike
shopping for kat's debut and the debut itself
SIC's alumni reunion with my elem-mates

top three fave gifts received for christmas:
slippers - from ma and john
bags - from santa (whoo!) and jen
accessories - belt from ate jo, necklace from besty and bangle from john

top three regrets:
having my haircut
not doing my schoolwork (as usual)
buying a crissa top again (i think i ought to go buy from another brand)

most frequently devoured food: free jollibee spag
most frequent activity: watching downloaded detective conan eps
the only schoolwork i did: my covenant writing (with rizal) notebook for english 11

and now that school has officially started (i had my first class kanina - math100), i'm bound to finish my other homeworks as well. haii.

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maybe it wouldn't really matter if i'd happen to cry miserably. just be there to hug me. i'd be fine.

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happy new year everybody! let us be enthusiastic towards school, shall we? haha. God bless! :D